*/ Don't Stop believin'

[SIERRA EMILY DEVERE]

The rain drop landed on the end of Sierra's nose and she frowned before wiping it away. The weather was a true reflection of Sierra's mood today, dark clouds filled the sky and now the rain was starting to fall. It had been just over twenty-four hours since she'd gotten her last high and now the come down was kicking in and that was never fun. Her hands had started to tremble a clear sign she was in need of a fix and soon, she'd called her dealer and agreed to meet him so she could buy a new stash. The weather meant that there was hardly anyone around, which would make it much easier to do the deal with out getting paranoid about cops being around. Zipping up her jacket, Sierra crossed the road and walked through the entrance gates to the park. It wasn't her fault she couldn't go without drugs, no it was her poor and disgusting excuse of a dad that had made her the way she was not that anyone else would ever know about that. No instead they would jut know her for being a high school drop pout that was high 24/7 it was easier that way for Sierra it meant no one would bother asking her questions because they knew she was to high to give a proper answer to them. Her sea green eyes glanced around as she slowly made her way through the park, there was the odd person around but most of them were rushing to get home before the rain really started to pour. Her dealer was going to be meeting her at the usual spot and Sierra knew he hated her being late for their little meetings. So today she had made sure to leave with plenty of time to get there and had the money already wrapped up in her back pocket. She kept her trembling hands tukced away in her jacket pockets and kept her eyes down on the path. There was no being calm for Sierra not when she was on a come down and was having to buy more drugs, it put her on the edge and it wasn't like she wasn't already hanging off it. A few minutes later and she came to a stop at the bench and gave the guy standing there a slight nod as she reached into her back pocket. It was one fluid motion and then he was walking away from her, not looking back once. Opening her trembling hand, Sierra looked down at the little plastic bag that contained the white powder that had consumed her life so far.

Not wasting anytime, Sierra sat down on the bench and pulled out her credit card and the small razor she carried around. Pouring a small amount of the power onto the card, Sierra cut it into two thin lines. With one last quick glance around, Sierra brought her nose down to the card and snorted the two lines with in a matter of seconds. Slipping away the credit card and razor, Sierra stood up from the bench and tucked the little plastic baggy in her jacket pocket. The rain was falling hard now and Sierra figured she should probably head back to her small apartment and wait for the high to kick in before going anywhere else. Because right now she was still feeling low and would have to wait for the coke to work its magic before she would feel well enough to go out and socialize with other people. Wiping another rain drop from her cheek, Sierra started walking back along the path, her eyes again fixed to the pathway. She hated the idea of meeting someone she knew whilst she was on a come down, because Sierra would be the first to admitt she was not exactly the nicest person around. The only problem with always looking down at the path means that you don't notice if there is someone in front of you. Which was exactly what happened to Sierra she was so caught up in the drugs starting to work she hadn't bothered to see if anyone else was walking along the path. After all who else would be crazy enough to be out in this weather. The collision caused for Sierra to stumble a few steps backwards and curse loudly as the plastic bag fell out of her pocket. Just as she went to reach to pick it up, whoever she had just walked into also went to pick it up and got their before Sierra. "Hey! you want to give that back to me?" Sierra said as she straightened up to take a look at whoever it was that had just picked her drugs up. Her jaw dropped a little when she saw Miranda standing there in front of her, what in the hell was she doing in the park right now. Sierra and Miranda had a little history or more Miranda was the one and only girl that had ever turned Sierra down and well that didn't exactly make her Sierra's number one favorite person. "I don't know if you herd me, but i'll repeat it for you again. Give me the damn drugs back!" Sierra stared at Miranda waiting for the girl to give it back to her.

Tagged: Miranda//Paula
Word Count: Who Knows
Wearing: --
Notes: Tada!

[MIRANDA ELLIE KANE]

C A U S E I V E T R I E D A N D T R I E D T O W A L K A W A Y
but I know this crush ain't going away

miranda had been feeling like a walk, did she care it was about to rain? no she didn't, she got out of her house with her umbrella and her rain coat on, she really wanted just to feel the rain so she was pretty sure she wasn't going to use the umbrella. locking the door behind her she headed to the park, while looking to the wonders around her. to her everything that was in the world was wonderful even if it was the worse thing the men invented. she didn't care about stuff that didn't matter she just wanted to be happy about herself and about the world everything else was just history. she was a very simple girl, she didn't need too much to complete herself, she just needed love, food and someone to keep her company, and a house, it didn't need to be big or anything it just had to be enough for her and for her loved one. that in that case was a girl, yeah she was homosexual but not many people new, she totally knew that if her parents knew she would be kicked out, as her father was a minister in the local church, and having a daughter that liked girl wasn't something he should be proud off. she walked to the road where she kept her eyes on everything and everyone that passed through her, all of them would wave and nod to her, as she gave them her best smile, she didn't want to show the worries in between her body, she just wanted to make sure everybody knew she was happy in the outside and that inside she wanted to come out and say it, out loud to the world what she was but she couldn't. and the over times she had to pass out on a girl, like this one that instantly came in her mind, sierra, she had this huge crush on her, and she had to admin she still did but she had to turn her down for two main reasons, she was a drug addict and that she was a girl. in the end she would have let her go even if she was a guy because other thing her father hated was drugs, it was against church.

she felt a rain drop on her cheek and she smiled as she put the umbrella down next to some homelss guy and smile as she looked at him. "you're going to need it!" she said to him as she kept walking as feeling more rain coming over to her, she actually thought it would be good, to wash away her sins, her father always said that the rain could wash everything from everyone, and that it could even wash away sins. she walked into the park as she looked around only to see people running away from the rain, and she would walk more and more into the park. another thing miranda was a very distracted girl, she would get distracted with everything and this time it was the ground, she didn't even thought there could be the possibility of there be anyone in front of her until she when right against someone that made her stumble a little to the back. "would you please watch...it?" she said as she looked to the person right in front of her. sierra. she gulped a little as she looked to the ground, little plastic bag, she couldn't believe she was still at it. she bit her lower lip picking it up before she did and just hold it in her hand. when she said for her to give it back she just shook her head and took a few steps back as she closed her hand tightly against it. she shook her head again as she just looked to sierra. "no sierra, i am not giving this back to you!" she said as she looked to the little pond behind sierra and gave her a little grin. "you want this?" she asked sierra as she just pushed her arm back with force and threw the bag in her hand to the pond. "go get it..." she said to her as she heard the bag hit the water and just shook her head to sierra looking very seriously to her.

[SIERRA EMILY DEVERE]

Buying drugs always got Sierra paranoid, she hated to think what would happen if she got arrested. There was no way she would be able to defend herself, it was a little obvious that she was a druggie that couldn't say no to a fix. Of course her dealer was smart and knew to never do a deal in the same place a load of times. Today it was to be done at the park, which was good for Sierra because it was only a few minutes from her apartment. She hated having to go out when she wason a come down, it made her feel like crap and Sierra was always worried about meeting someone that she knew and letting them see how much damage she was doing to herself at the moment. She shivered a little as the first rain drop fell, splashing on the end of her nose. The weather being liek this meant the deal would be easier, because there would be no one else around, because honestly who wanted to be outside in the pouring rain. Hugging her jacket closer, Sierra kept on walking, her mind concerntrating on just getting to the park on time and getting hold of that white powder that would give her the high she needed. Sierra couldn't remember the first time she had ever taken drugs, it was a distant memory that was blurred by all the highs and drunken nights that had happened ever since. Her mum had thrown her out a few months after her dad was arrested, because apparently Sierra was to much fo a screw up and her mum wanted nothing to do with her. As for her brother, Sierra saw him every now and then, but didn't like him being around in case he tried to stop her from taking the drugs. She'd had far to many people try to intervene and stop her from using and get her sober, they'd all failed because none of them would ever be able to understand Sierra properly. She didn't like being told what to do and she certainly didn't like people sticking their nose in her business. Glancing up ahead of her, she was glad to see that her dealer was already waiting, the deal was quick and smooth like a well rehersed scene in a play. It was faultless and to anyone that saw it had just looked like two people walking past each other. Sierra felt a sense of relief wash over ehr after she had take two lines and put everything away. She lent back in the bench for a moment letting the rain fall on her. Five minutes and the high would hopefully kick in and she could get back to pretending to be happy. Stepping up from the bench, Sierra started walking back to her apartment wanting to get some dry clothes on now.

As she was walking it hadn't really occured to her that she might need to look up every so often. After all like she had thought earlier who else would bother coming out in this weather. It was a little bit of a shock when she collided with something solid and felt the drugs slip out from her pocket and fall down to the ground. Cursing under her breath, Sierra went to pick the drugs up so she could make a quick get away but another hand beat her to it. Seeing that it was Miranda standing there, Sierra wanted to punch something, especially since Miranda was now the one holding her drugs. Sierra was not a fan of the girl at all, well it hadn't always been that way in fact Sierra had been pretty taken by the girl and thought she was beautiful. But at a party when Sierra had thought she would finally get Miranda she was denied by her and well that wasn't something Sierra was use to. Normally Sierra could get any girl she wanted, but to finally find a girl she couldn't just have had really gotten to Sierra. "Why not?! Its mine Miranda and has nothing to do with you!" Sierra tried to keep herself from shouting at the other girl, but what the hell did she think she was doing trying to take the drugs from her. A flicker of confusion crossed Sierra's eyes as she herd Miranda and then she watched as Miranda arm pulled back and then moved forward. Sierra's jaw dropped and she herd the splash as the bag hit the pond. "What the fuck!!" Rushing over to the pond, Sierra stood there and watched as the drugs disappeared under the water. Her trembling hands clenched into fists as she turned and looked at Miranda. "What the hell is your problem?! I needed that. Fuck i paid 100 dollars for it!" There as anger and desperation in Sierra's voice as she shouted at Miranda. Part of her wanted to break down in tears, she was on the edge right now and Miranda had just gone and thrown away the only thing that kept her going. "I hate you! Your a stupid little bitch!" Sierra glared at her, it took a lot of retraint not to slap her. Sierra stumbled a couple of steps now, not sure what she was going to do. "I needed it....." Her voice trembled and broke off, a look of confusion clouding her dark green eyes.

Tagged: Miranda//Paula
Word Count: Who Knows
Wearing: --
Notes: Tada!

[MIRANDA ELLIE KANE]

C A U S E I V E T R I E D A N D T R I E D T O W A L K A W A Y
but I know this crush ain't going away

miranda didn't know how people got into drugs, it was just stupid, people could die from it, it was like smoking. might as well put a gun to the head and just pull the trigger because that would be less painless, much more painless. or at least miranda thought so, the bigger problems that came from it, like cancer and such she couldn't stop thinking in how much the people actually went through before they gave in to death and it was all over. basically people came to earth to smoke and to die from it, that didn't make any sense, not sense at all. she just kept thinking about her grandfather and how much he suffered, it was like she could feel his pain, she would look to his face and see the pain, the beeping machine next to him, the sound of the breather making him breathe for him, it was something that miranda would think everyday and hurt her everyday, more and more. then one day it was it, she was there visiting him, just reading to him, like she knew he would love, and he did love because she could see his lips form a small smile even thought he had a tube shoved down his throat, and that gave sign to miranda that he was there listening to her, he just didn't fight anymore right after she stopped reading, it was like he was waiting for her to stop reading the book for him. she heard the heart machine doing that constant beep thing that someone could only hear when someone hearts stopped and that was like miranda's heart stopped with his, she didn't want him to go but she figured it was time to let him go. she didn't cry, she was stronger than that, she knew he wouldn't like it, she instead took it all in writing, she knew it would be so much than crying. she would write everyday for the next few months until she decided to stop. she didn't stop for her, she stopped because she couldn't take it no more. it was all sad but it was all reality, miranda hated death and she hated cancer, those are the two things she couldn't stand, and watching sierra going on the same path, it hurt her because she liked her a bit more than she should, she might even want her in a different that she usually liked her girl friends.

looking to sierra, she couldn't stop but think about that little night they had, it was something that miranda will know and will never forget, it was something so good so magical, she for the next few days couldn't stop thinking about it, she was her first kiss ever, ever since then she didn't kiss anyone else. she bit her lower lip to her and just shook her head with the little white bag on her hand. she couldn't let her do this to herself, it would hurt her if she had an overdose or something like that, and this time she would cry for her, like she never cried before. after she threw the thing to the pond she just looked to sierra as she walked over to it. she knew she would be pissed off but i was for her own good, she didn't want sierra to be some junkie, she wanted her to be clean in that case she would stand some change with her father. she looked back as sierra looked to her. "sierra, that was for your own good! that shit doesn't make you feel better, it just makes you feel worse and just kills you!" she said to her as the rain started to fall a little bit more. she looked up to the sky as sierra just said those awfull things, and she couldn't help it but to feel her heart break a little, not that she was heartbroken, she wasn't because she saw that coming sooner or later. "no need to offend, i was being you're friend, trying to help you! here..." she said as she opened her purse and took out 100 dollars of her wallet and throwing them to her. "... your 100 dollars! i hope you don't kill yourself it would hurt me!" she said to her as she was about to turn around, when she said she needed, she looked back to sierra. "you don't need it! you just think you do! but you don't! have a nice life!" she said as she turned around and started to walk away whipping the tears and rain drop off her face.

[SIERRA EMILY DEVERE]

Life is a game of luck, or at least that was how Sierra saw it. You were either lucky or you weren't those were the only options and she had obviously fallen into the latter one. From the moment she was born her luck had just gone out of the window, she blamed her parents naturally of course. If they hadn't been such fuck ups then maybe she wouldn't have become one. She nevr said it out loud because that would just make it to real, but Sierra knew inside that she really was a fuck up that stood no chance of making anything of herself now. She was addicted to drugs, alcohol and sex with girls she would never really know, to put it plainly he lifestyle was unhealthy and if she kept going like this there was no doubt that in five years or less her life would be over. Sierra didn't want to be this way, but it just felt like there was no way out from it all. There had been one time she'd tried to get sober but the withdrawls had been agony the way her body had attacked her for not taking the drugs. A week was as long as it laster and Sierra was a total mess, her dealer had to bring the drugs to her apartment because she was to weak to leave. Maybe Sierra carried on using because she knew there was no one to care whether or not she was okay. It wasn't like there was anyone in her life that was worth her changing for, her mum was long gone, and as for her brother he was never around anyways. Sierra was alone, and the emptiness was eating away at her inside the drugs felt like the only thing that filled the void. The only problem was that the drugs were destroying Sierra whilst she was blissfully unaware and high. Deep down there was a part of Sierra that wanted to give up and just let the drugs completely wreck her, at least that way she wouldn't have to deal with the pain of not being good enough for anyone. There was no ignoring the fact though that Sierra was self destructive, she couldn't stand the thought of being happy because she knew it would never happen for her. Not now that so many people would just consider her a drugged up nobody. Her body trembled and her shoulder hunched over a little as she made her way to the park, she needed a high, something to pull her thoughts away from all the darkness in her mind.

When she had looked up and found that it was Miranda of all the people standing there, Sierra was shocked. After all she hadn't really seen Miranda around at all, especially after the party which was one Sierra couldn't forget. Of course for the fact that Miranda had been the first girl to turn her down but also because there had been a moment a split second where Sierra had actually thought that just maybe she had found someone worth caring about. Though that had been shot down the moment Miranda had said no, it had confused Sierra and then the hurt had set in. Obviously she wasn't good enough for Miranda, who was probably like all the other stuck up girls thinking they were better than everyone else. And Sierra had done the only thing she knew afterward, she'd gotten high and shit wrecked in an attempt to forget Miranda. It worked for a few days but then it was like Sierra just couldn't stop playing the stupid memory, she couldn't forget the warmth she'd felt holding Miranda. But of course she couldn't have that warmth again because Miranda was probably long gone now, off with Mr Perfect or whatever. All of these memories flared up again as her sea green eyes looked at Miranda now. Surely it was some unwritten rule that you don't just go and throw away a druggies stash the moment they buy it. Sierra was in shock for a moment as she watched the little plastic bag disappear in the murky water. "How would you know how i feel?! And did you stop to think that maybe i want the drugs to kill me?! Stop acting like you know anything about me Miranda, because you don't!" Sierra was mad now and she was shouting as the rain started to fall harder as if it was trying to mimic her mood. She shook her head and laughed some at what Miranda said about being here friend, "You aren't my friend. You are no one to me" Her words were laced with venom and Sierra knew how cold it must have sounded, but it was crazy for Miranda to stand there and say she was her friend. Seeing the money and then watching Miranda throw it at her, Sierra let out a frustrated sigh as she picked it up and held it in her hand. "I don't want your bloody money i'm not a fucking charity case!" Her arm stretched out waving th emoney back at Miranda, as if she would ever tkae money from someone else. There was a achign pain in Sierra's chest and she knew it was her heart breaking, why did she have to push away the one person that seemed like they cared about her. "Why do you care Miranda? You can't fix me, i'm to broken now" She stood there in the rain watching as Miranda had started to walk away from her.

Tagged: Miranda//Paula
Word Count: Who Knows
Wearing: --
Notes: Tada!

[MIRANDA ELLIE KANE]

C A U S E I V E T R I E D A N D T R I E D T O W A L K A W A Y
but I know this crush ain't going away

miranda hated to see people wasting their lives, with drugs, alcohol and sex. non of those filled a person it just ruined everything. specially the girl in front of her, sierra, she couldn't handle seeing one of the most important person in her life like this, it hurt her too much, it was losing a part of herself, she loved her too much, even more than she ever imagined and totally regrets ever saying no to her. she thought about what would happen if she didn't push away sierra that night, would they still together or that night would be a one night stand thing because if it was by now miranda would be in pain because sierra just used her to have fun. that's why she ran away, well one of the reasons, but that one was one of the main ones. she couldn't handle the fact that she lost her virginity with someone she will never talk to again, that was just painful and miranda was a very sensible person. she would cry over the most stupid things, she can't handle to see people crying she would cry too, she couldn't handle see people sad because she would ask what was going on with them. it was part of miranda, she was a sweetheart and she would take care of any person for a bad as they were to her or to anyone else, it could be a murder she would still take care of him if he was dying. she just couldn't see other people suffer or in pain.

she looked to sierra with her sad eyes, she couldn't handle seeing her killing herself it hurt her so much she had to stop it, even thought she was being hated by the person she loved she didn't care because she was 'saving her' in a way. she shook her head, sierra didn't know what she was talking about, she didn't. she looked to her and just bit her lower lip hard. "you don't need it sierra. you don't. it's killing you little by little. and while it kills you.... it kills me! can't you see? why do you think i did that?" she said to her as she sniffled a little while the rain fell harder and harder it was like it was going with their mood and fight. when she said to miranda that she was nothing to her she could feel it, inside her chest breaking into a million pieces, did she really mean what she was saying, that she meant nothing to her? nothing at all? miranda stood there staring at her as she cried, she let the tears fall more as they blend with the tear drops. she couldn't handle that right now. "i am nothing to you.... nothing?.... NOTHING AT ALL?" she yelled at her as she closed her eyes and shook her head. she looked as the money fall onto the the ground and just shook her head again she didn't stop, this was hurting so much, she wanted to smack sierra because of the pain she was feeling and just tell her everything she had in her mind. she finally turned around to leave as she spoke again, she stopped as she heard her words there was so much she wanted to say to her at that moment that it hurt her. she turned around and just started to walk towards sierra this time. "you're just broken because you want to. i care sierra because i do! i care because i love you. i love you sierra! i want to fix you, all you have to help me help you! i want to help you! i want you..." she said as she stood there in front of her letting her tears fall from her eyes and she looked to her with her bright brown eyes. "don't push me away. it kills me!" she said to her as she looked down to her own feet.

[SIERRA EMILY DEVERE]

Sierra had been branded self destructive by numerous school councellors and doctors that had to pump her stomach the numerous times that she had over dosed. She couldn't help it though, when you have nothing to live for you soon decide that destroying yourself is the only thing worth doing. So far Sierra's life had just been a string of really shit luck and well it hadn't really ever shown any signs of improving at least it hadn't until she'd met Miranda. Not many girls really interested Sierra at all, she would just sleep with them because well it was something to do and was normally fun. But Miranda, there was just something else about her and Sierra had tried to figure it out whilst she'd been holding her and kissing her. But it seemed just as she thought she was going to work it out that Miranda slipped away and told her no, like she wasn't allowed to figure it out or something. It had pissed Sierra off that Miranda could just get up and walk away from her like that, after all it wasn't really something Sierra was use to. She was normally the one that walked away from the girls once she'd had what she wanted from them. After Miranda had left, Sierra drowned out the confusion and pain in drugs, alcohol and hooking up with the first pretty girlt hat threw themselves at her. She wanted tof orget alla bout Miranda, to forget how arm she'd made her feel, how soft her skin had been and how good her lips had tasted. But it just seemed impossible to forget, just when she thought she'd gotten Miranda out of her mind something would trigger her to remember that night all over again. And now look at them both stood in the rain, both broke, both wanting things they couldn't have and no way of figuring it all out to make a happy ending.

Confusion was blurring Sierra's mind, she stood there unable to understand why Miranda was trying to help her. She had been so sure that Miranda hadn't wanted anything to do with her after that night they gotten so far but stopped because she'd said no. After that Sierra had chosen to ingore her, act like that night had never happened and that Miranda didn't exist to her because it was the only way to numb the pain of rejection. Sierra knew she should probably be use to rejection by now, she was a total fuck up and really it was no surprise that no one really wanted her, that instead they just used her and then carelessly tossed her away. Why couldn't Miranda understand that drugs where all she had now? She was worthless now and that meant taking the drugs was the only way to get through the days, it was a slow way of destroying herself from the inside out. Her heart was aching though as they booth stood there in the rain, anger, hurt and confusion parent of both of their faces as they looked at each other. If only Sierra could have been sober, to somehow prove she wasn't such a total waste of space maybe then Miranda would have turned her down and walked away. Her body shivered from the cold rain and tears were threatening to fall from her dark sea green eyes. "How would you even know what i need?! Those drugs are all i have, all i have to get through what shit excuse of a life i have. You turned me down Miranda, don't stand here now and pretend like you ever gave a shit about me" Sierra wasn't going to give in, she couldn't do it to let her heart win would mean showing her greatest weakness. Love wasn't meant for her, she didn't deserve it at all it was something happy healthy people where suppose to have, not her. Her heart was currently crumbling inside her chest and she couldn't bare to stand there and see the tears that were falling down Miranda's cheek. Sierra wanted to reach out and wipe them away to tell Miranda that she wasn't worth her tears, because she really wasn't all Sierra had done was be horrible and rude to Miranda. Sierra knew she needed to try and push Miranda away again though, she couldn't let people in it wasn't worth their time becuase in the end they would just leave and be disappointed in her. She physically flinched when Miranda yelled at her, this wasn't what Sierra truly wanted but it was what would be best for Miranda. For Miranda to just walk away and move on because there really was no hope for Sierra anymore. "You can't mean anything to me, its not fair on you....." Sierra said her voice trembling as a tear drop finally fell and rolled down her cheek. Her heart finally shattered as Miranda turned her back and started to walk away, it was probably for the best but Sierra couldn't stand having to watch another person walk away from her. She didn't expect Miranda to answer her or to turn around and walk back, so it took Sierra a moment to process what was happening and she bit down on her lip slightly. It felt like the world suddenly stopped and everything froze the moment she herd Miranda say that she loved her. "Don't Miranda.......you can't love me....i don't deserve it and i don't want to hurt you...." What Sierra wouldn't have given to be able to tell Miranda that she loved her as well, but then that would mean having to let her in and it was all to much for Sierra to try and think about right now. Stepping forward, Sierra lifted her hand and gently cupped Miranda's cheek her thumb brushing away some of the tears before she gently pressed her lips against Miranda's. Her free arm moved to wrap around Miranda's wiast and hold her carefully.

Tagged: Miranda//Paula
Word Count: Who Knows
Wearing: --
Notes: Awww!